Children and Love Languages
Why Understanding Your Child’s Love Language Can Transform Your Parenting
As parents, we all want our children to feel loved and supported. But sometimes, despite our best efforts, it seems like our love isn’t quite landing. This is where the idea of love languages can make a big difference.
Originally introduced by Dr Gary Chapman in the context of romantic relationships, love languages apply just as powerfully in parenting. Children, like adults, have different ways of receiving love. One child may feel secure with a cuddle, another with one-on-one time, or a thoughtful gesture. Understanding your child’s love language—how they most naturally feel loved—can deepen your connection and help them feel truly seen and valued.
Here’s a look at the five love languages, and how they can help you parent with more intention.
1. Physical Touch: The Power of Hugs, Kisses, and Snuggles
Some children feel most loved through physical affection. They’re the ones who reach for your hand, want cuddles on the sofa, or enjoy being physically close.
How it helps:
A quick hug before school or a cuddle at bedtime can act like an emotional reset.
When upset, a gentle touch can soothe them more than words.
Regular physical affection builds a strong, secure bond.
2. Gifts: Thoughtfulness Over Cost
For some children, receiving gifts is how they feel most valued. It’s not about expensive toys—it’s the thought behind the gift. A drawing, a button, or a small token can carry deep meaning.
How it helps:
These children feel special when you bring them something that shows you’ve thought of them.
A small gift can act as a physical reminder of your love.
It’s also a chance to model and teach gratitude.
3. Words of Affirmation: Encouragement and Praise
These children light up when you say, “I’m proud of you” or “I love you.” They thrive on encouragement and kind words.
How it helps:
Positive words build their self-esteem.
Encouragement can be more effective than criticism when correcting behaviour.
Regular affirmations give them confidence and emotional resilience.
4. Acts of Service: Showing Love Through Actions
Children who value acts of service feel most loved when you do things that help them—fixing a toy, making their favourite lunch, helping them get organised.
How it helps:
Acts of service show that you're noticing their needs.
These moments can be used to model responsibility and kindness.
Supporting them in small ways can make them feel safe and understood.
5. Quality Time: Undivided Attention
Some children feel most loved when they get your full, undivided attention—whether playing a game, reading a story, or just chatting.
How it helps:
Shared time builds deep emotional trust.
It creates space for conversations they might not otherwise have.
These moments become lasting memories that reassure them of their importance to you.
Discovering Your Child’s Love Language
Start by noticing how your child shows love or what they ask for most. Do they reach for cuddles, bring you little gifts, or ask to spend time with you? You can also try different ways of showing love and see what they respond to best. You can also take the quiz - if you haven’t done it yourself you might enjoy it!
Some children clearly favour one love language, others need a mix. Stay curious—it’s less about getting it perfect, more about paying attention and staying open as they grow and change.
Final Thoughts
Understanding your child’s love language isn’t about doing more—it’s about doing what matters most to them. When they feel loved in the way that speaks to them, they feel secure, seen, and understood.
No two children are the same. But when you tune into their unique way of receiving love, you build connection, trust, and emotional strength that lasts.
Whether it’s a cuddle, a kind word, a little surprise, or just time together—your love, shared in their language, becomes something they carry with them always.
